My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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