either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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