My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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