So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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