He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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