you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
