Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
