Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
