I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
