just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You ruined the universe
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
