I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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