I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
