He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
