you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
