do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
