mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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