I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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