I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
