That's intense
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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