so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
