Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
