he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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