Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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