On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
