he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
