porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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