Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
