i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize