In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
