I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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