Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
