she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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