I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
