I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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