mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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