just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
