I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
