i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
