he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
