i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The power of my boobs compel you
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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