Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
