In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
