I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the raccoons are back...
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