I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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