if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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