Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
