On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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