these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
