I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
