It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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