When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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