I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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