It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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