Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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