she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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