I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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