there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
