I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
